It's that time of the year. Juniors are taking the PSAT this fall and starting to visit schools. They're already getting emails from the College Board. Seniors are asking for college recommendation letters and working on personal essays. Some are working on early action or early decision applications. Everyone is asking them where they're applying. With this comes a lot of stress — not just for students, but for their parents and caregivers, too. This story, "Taming the Admissions Anxiety," written a few years ago for Usable Knowledge, looks at how to parent through the college process, starting with helping to turn down the pressure. We've included links to some new, related pieces.
You’re at a holiday gathering in your neighborhood, and the parents, once again, are talking college — exchanging the vitals on where their kids are applying, or where they’ve already gotten in. When one father beams about the highly selective schools his daughter is targeting, you don’t immediately beam back. Your son is applying to some state schools and a few private colleges, but after a tough fall term, he’s also thinking about working for a year and taking classes at the community college.
You look around and notice that the kids are standing nearby, soaking up the very different moods each parent is conveying.
The Weight of College Pressure
In a highly competitive world, the college process feels fraught with pressure — for students and parents alike. For the vast majority of families in America, that pressure centers not on personal achievement or the bragging rights of a selective college but on affordability, access, and equal opportunity. Only about 4 percent of U.S. students go to colleges that accept less than 25 percent of their applicants, and most American kids either don’t attend or don’t graduate from four-year colleges, says developmental psychologist Richard Weissbourd, who studies the social and emotional lives of teens. The barriers confronting that majority need to be front and center in public conversations about college, he adds.
But a different and also serious problem is affecting students in middle- and upper-income communities, where debilitating academic and social pressure is fueling a public health crisis of anxiety in high-achieving schools and districts. Some research has shown that rates of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse are higher among affluent teens than any other group of young people, and achievement pressure is a significant contributor. “But you can see this even without reading the research,” says Weissbourd. “You just need to spend some time in a high school where this is going on, and you can see how wound up kids are about college and where they’re going to get in.”