Continuing the Conversation
Lamb, the mother of two sons, aged 17 and 23, says she was fortunate to have live research subjects at home, even if they were not always willing participants — a problem I also encountered when my previously quoted nine-year-old saw his name, since removed, in this article.

“I’d go see the macho movies and they wouldn’t want to watch them with me,” says Lamb, who subjected herself to violent, action-based films as part of her study. “I’d go out to movies alone most of the time.”

What her boys did do, however, was clue her in to some disturbing websites, raising the issue that TV alone is not the enemy in perpetuating gender stereotypes toward children and young adults.

“If your children are watching TV, co-viewing with them as much as you can and talking to them about what they are watching is optimal,” says Lamb. “I think we also have to get parents in the mindset that TV is not the villain. Once a child is over five or six they are bombarded with media, from other kids, the Internet, and movies. Adolescents are watching TV less and less, and they are on the computer more. Over time, we won’t have the same access to what they see, so we need to teach them to be critical viewers.”

And we, as parents, need to be critical viewers as well, able to offer our children commentary and constructive feedback as to what they see, hear, and read in a world that offers a limited view on the true making of a man, as the authors of Packaging Boyhood clearly show.

We also need to listen, regardless of how uncomfortable the content of the conversation may be.

“I think the most important thing always, if we are talking to boys or girls, is getting our own stuff together as adults,” says Brown. “We asked them on the survey, ‘How would you like adults to talk to you about this?’ The response was ‘tell them calmly’ and ‘stop overreacting.’ We have to get our own stuff together and
deal with our own strong feelings so we can have a genuine conversation. . . . You can’t have a conversation if you are not willing to listen.”

– Mary Tamer is a Boston-based freelance writer. Her most recent stories in Ed. looked at spaced education and the new presidents program.

Go to www.packagingboyhood.com to learn more about the book, resources, and media literacy sites. You can also read a Q & A with the authors.